Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
