Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize