He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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