worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
