Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
