Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
