SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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