I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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