Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize