people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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