We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize