How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
