i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
