normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
