i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
