i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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