We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize