if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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