pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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