We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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