so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
