Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
