Four minutes until I can fart!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
