Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
