why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
