...so i touched it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
