I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
