i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He has the fingertips of a God
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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