Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
