I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
