I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
