Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
