Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
