I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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