Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
