And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
