Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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