she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
