its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Someone signed my nipple.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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