On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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