I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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