I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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