I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize