Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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