i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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