First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
