I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
