I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
