I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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