I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Drake has all the answers
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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