K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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