Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
