If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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