she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
