she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
