That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
