I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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