Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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