Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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