dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
