I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
