mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
