I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
