literally had 100 drinks last night.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
