Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
