Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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