dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
