my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
