We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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