Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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