He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
