Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
