So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
