I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
