It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Everything about him screamed your future.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
