Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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