She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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