How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
