their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
