Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
