1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
