He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
