a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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