You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Found the puke drawer
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
