I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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