I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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