i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the day after is always just damage control
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
