Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
