I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My balls are so social today.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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