when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
