I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
