I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
