life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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