TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
