Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
