I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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